So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
