she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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