saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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