You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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