is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
