Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
