I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
