Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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