I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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