I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize