i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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