maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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