I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
