Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
