just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
