As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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