how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
