I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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