Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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