i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
