Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
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