She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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