Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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