I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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