I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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