rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
