so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
