Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
