I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
