Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
