Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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