he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
