i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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