I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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