i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
