Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
