wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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