Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
