yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My feet surprised me
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
