well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
