Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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