Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
