theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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