how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
