3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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