I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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