i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
