They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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