im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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