it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
accomplished twins. life is a go
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
