So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize