I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
