he puts the penis in happiness.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
