Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
