found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
