dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
