just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize