UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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