so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
