I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
