she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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