It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
