I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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