I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
